by Mary-Jane Liddicoat, with thanks to Nate Kent (click here to listen to the broadcast on TBSe FM 1013 Mainstreet 'Family Affairs' program 13 July 2011)
How many mums get stressed and cranky with their kids? I see a LOT of hands up...and yes, my hand is up too. Is that fun for you? Is it fun for your kids? And does it really get you the result you want?
I started looking at this a few years ago when I was REALLY stressed and cranky and my daughter asked me 'mummy, why aren't you happy?'.
Oh boy. I realised that the unhappy vibe I was emitting was being broadcast loud and clear over the airwaves, through my kids and beyond.
So I decided to make a change.
What I found was that I was making a false economy. In other words, I had thought, I had to sacrifice myself in order to serve my family. I had thought that to be a 'good mother' I could no longer spend time on 'me.'
And after a while, I simply forgot who I was, and clearly this did not make me happy.
Who is most important in your life?
So who would you say is the most important person in your life? Who is the first person that comes to mind?
Many, if not most people would say a family member, maybe a child, parent or spouse. If you're a parent, you will say 'my kids' in a heartbeat.
It is certainly true that children, parents and family members have a huge impact on our lives, influencing who we are and who we have and will become.
Did anyone answer that YOU are the most important person in your life?
When you think about important people in your life, where do you rank? Are you even in the top ten?
Take a minute to think about this. You are the only person you are guaranteed to be living with your entire life. Everyone else simply passes through (yes, even your kids), some for longer periods than others, but you are the only person you are with ALL the time.
Where are you in your life?
So don't you think YOU should be important in your own life?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying other people aren't important and I am not suggesting you disregard your family or other people in your life.
I am simply inviting you to take a look at how important you are to yourself, and to ask what your life would be like if you valued yourself more?
Many people would start spending more time doing the things for themselves, the things that make them happy, the things they love doing.
So right now, take a look at what you do, how you spend your time, and why you do those things.
How much of what you do is because of someone else? How many of us spend a lifetime doing what we feel obligated to do, or what we think others expect of us? (And do we ever really meet all those expectations we imagine anyway?)
Next, ask yourself what would you do if you could choose anything for you? (Personally, I choose to work out in the gym and then have a massage. What's that for you?)
Do you find this an unusual question? Has anyone ever asked you this? Most of the time we act according to: 'What do I need to do to fit in here?', 'What will make other people like me?', and 'How can I please my children/parents/co-workers/spouse?' and 'How can I help my family be more successful?'.
These questions are not wrong, but they are not likely to bring the YOU out of you the world - and your family - really needs. Because if you're not functioning as YOU, you're not functioning at 100 per cent.
What would YOU like to do?
Instead, you can ask 'What would Ilike to do?'. This question reminds you that you are an important person in your own life.
The more you understand the key position you have in your own life is you, and start to do things you enjoy, you may (accidentally, oops) even become happier!
Studies have shown that smiling - a key indicator of happiness - is contagious and has a positive effect on the people around you. It can make you a lot of money, and it can even help your kids at school.
So the more you value yourself by recognizing that you are important in your own life, the greater happiness you will likely create among all those dear to you. Looking at it another way, NOT doing this, and ending up unhappy, may in fact be a disservice to them.
In Australia and , what do most parents and family members usually reply when asked what they want for you? To be successful and happy...
Being successful and happy is possible for everyone. But not by making other people important. By making YOU important in your own life.
***
Mary-Jane Liddicoat is an ex-diplomat now looking at ways to create more ease, joy, prosperity and abundance in her communities. For more information visit www.conscious-living.asia and www.healthyhomes.asia. Mary-Jane lives between Seoul, Korea and New South Wales, Australia, with her Korean sculptor husband and their three children aged seven, six and two.
I started looking at this a few years ago when I was REALLY stressed and cranky and my daughter asked me 'mummy, why aren't you happy?'.
Oh boy. I realised that the unhappy vibe I was emitting was being broadcast loud and clear over the airwaves, through my kids and beyond.
So I decided to make a change.
What I found was that I was making a false economy. In other words, I had thought, I had to sacrifice myself in order to serve my family. I had thought that to be a 'good mother' I could no longer spend time on 'me.'
And after a while, I simply forgot who I was, and clearly this did not make me happy.
Who is most important in your life?
So who would you say is the most important person in your life? Who is the first person that comes to mind?
Many, if not most people would say a family member, maybe a child, parent or spouse. If you're a parent, you will say 'my kids' in a heartbeat.
It is certainly true that children, parents and family members have a huge impact on our lives, influencing who we are and who we have and will become.
Did anyone answer that YOU are the most important person in your life?
When you think about important people in your life, where do you rank? Are you even in the top ten?
Take a minute to think about this. You are the only person you are guaranteed to be living with your entire life. Everyone else simply passes through (yes, even your kids), some for longer periods than others, but you are the only person you are with ALL the time.
Where are you in your life?
So don't you think YOU should be important in your own life?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying other people aren't important and I am not suggesting you disregard your family or other people in your life.
I am simply inviting you to take a look at how important you are to yourself, and to ask what your life would be like if you valued yourself more?
Many people would start spending more time doing the things for themselves, the things that make them happy, the things they love doing.
So right now, take a look at what you do, how you spend your time, and why you do those things.
How much of what you do is because of someone else? How many of us spend a lifetime doing what we feel obligated to do, or what we think others expect of us? (And do we ever really meet all those expectations we imagine anyway?)
Next, ask yourself what would you do if you could choose anything for you? (Personally, I choose to work out in the gym and then have a massage. What's that for you?)
Do you find this an unusual question? Has anyone ever asked you this? Most of the time we act according to: 'What do I need to do to fit in here?', 'What will make other people like me?', and 'How can I please my children/parents/co-workers/spouse?' and 'How can I help my family be more successful?'.
These questions are not wrong, but they are not likely to bring the YOU out of you the world - and your family - really needs. Because if you're not functioning as YOU, you're not functioning at 100 per cent.
What would YOU like to do?
Instead, you can ask 'What would Ilike to do?'. This question reminds you that you are an important person in your own life.
The more you understand the key position you have in your own life is you, and start to do things you enjoy, you may (accidentally, oops) even become happier!
Studies have shown that smiling - a key indicator of happiness - is contagious and has a positive effect on the people around you. It can make you a lot of money, and it can even help your kids at school.
So the more you value yourself by recognizing that you are important in your own life, the greater happiness you will likely create among all those dear to you. Looking at it another way, NOT doing this, and ending up unhappy, may in fact be a disservice to them.
In Australia and , what do most parents and family members usually reply when asked what they want for you? To be successful and happy...
Being successful and happy is possible for everyone. But not by making other people important. By making YOU important in your own life.
***
Mary-Jane Liddicoat is an ex-diplomat now looking at ways to create more ease, joy, prosperity and abundance in her communities. For more information visit www.conscious-living.asia and www.healthyhomes.asia. Mary-Jane lives between Seoul, Korea and New South Wales, Australia, with her Korean sculptor husband and their three children aged seven, six and two.
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